Harsh Reality

Day 177

I did ... okay ... today.

I was actually really careful all day ... until dinner.

But I don't feel guilty for it. Wanna know why? It wasn't a loss of control, but a calculated decision to take my daughter out to someplace she likes after her band concert.

The only thing I wish I would have done is calculated the calories in the pizza I ordered before I ate it. Then I would have probably eaten some, but not all, of it. I DID order thin crust instead of thick to save on carbs and calories, but, let's face it. That doesn't really do a whole lot of good.

Okay, so here's the harsh reality. (And I can't believe I'm going to do this.)

Last December I peaked at around 285 pounds. Yep, that's right. I was WAY too close to an unimaginable number. No wonder I was struggling so badly with body image and self-esteem issues.

I began running with a friend, but exercise without nutrition does very little. A few days before I signed on with a trainer mid-April, I weighed in at 272 pounds.

My last weigh in - taken before I lost total control of my nutrition a week and a half ago- was around 240 pounds.

Now, you might say, "Yay! That's 45 pounds!"

Yes, that's true. And I'm proud of that number, BUT I still need to lose around a 100 more pounds. That is a HUGE number. I can't afford any more days like this:

or

.

(*Side Note: This Halloween, watch out for the common trap seen in yesterday's food log. If you're like me, you look at those snack size candies and think they're little how bad can they be? Here's proof positive that those "little" bags add up quickly and can destroy your nutrition for the day. And, yes, I do realize that the log shows a complete loss of control, hence my weight problem and sugar addiction.)

ANYWAY, back to the harsh reality.

Though I don't feel completely guilty about tonight - or at least I didn't until I added the calories up, I do recognize that a night like tonight on top of my loss of control this week, poor choices over the weekend and my emotional eating last week are an extremely slippery slope. I'm just barely hanging onto this goal by the skin of my teeth and I HAVE GOT TO GET MY ACT TOGETHER!!!

If I don't beat this now, I likely never will and may as well invest in some remote property, because I will end up a sad, purposeless hermit living in a backwoods cabin until I die of some completely preventable disease!!! (Okay. Maybe that's a TAD bit overdramatic.)

Now, I am working on some nutrition goals and changes that I'll share next week. It's kind of an experiment and I'm super excited about it, but for now, here's tomorrow's goal:

I will not eat ANY crap! It's our family's pizza and a movie night. Yeah. No pizza for me! 

Time to get a grip on reality.